Thanks, SenatorPenguin--I do the proximity thing with the couch too. But I think it should be me who's doing that stuff, too, not him....Usually, I like it that his chair is pretty far away. That one time is the only time he's come closer to sit. Other times he's been close it's been to reach for something, and too often I've flinched away due to the emotional space. I was reading a description of borderline at a transference therapy site (a therapy that is often helpful for borderlines), and it said that borderlines have emotional reactions in relationships due to deeply ingrained childhood connections among type of incident, emotional reaction, and sense of self. I haven't talked to him about that paradigm--just learned about it in that way. I wonder if that's what's going on...even if only intuitively--that is, that he acts as he does because he is more aware than I of what I "do" with any one moment. I hate that if it's true....I hate not being a fool about what is really happening, not what I think is happening. That's part of what therapy is for, though. But, good grief, I don't even know what he's thinking! Another reason to talk to him about it, not just feel as I do!
Thank you for looking into the borderline and DBT stuff. I appreciate that very much.