Suga, I hope that you are feeling a little better after your sleep. I understand where you are coming from. my T offered words that have helped a bit. He said to me that it is a difficut time of year for many, and the stress involved is regretable, however if we can focus on what we are grateful for in the small quiet moments, it can help keep us going. I am paraphrasing him, but he also said that gratitute is more powerful if we practice it all year round.

I told him it is hard to do, but I am aware of the things I should be grateful for, and I feel guilty that I find many of them to be burdens. He then told me that it is my illness that makes it so difficult and that there is nothing to feel guilty about, and most importantly, to practice during the good times so these skills are available in the hard times.

I am still working on this myself and I think it will be a life long process, but maybe each time a cycle happens, we can be a little more at peace because we will be able to access some more healthy behaviors to draw from.