Really, I think it is best not to try to call their bluff. If you do that you are still being drawn into their world. Best thing you can do for yourself when you recognise this going on is to turn around and step away. The manipulator won't get the satisfaction of any reaction from you, and he'll learn that you won't respond to those tactics and move on to someone else. If you're lucky.

I am of course speaking of own experiences with my dad here, and we are talking VERY deep manipulation, for attention. Whenever I tried to make peace with him, if I tried to discuss what I needed from him calmly and rationally, he would start to cry. He would normally do that as a tactic for attention, instead of dealing with the issue, so I would walk away.

If I became angry and called him on something, he would just backbend and come up with other excuses. If I wouldn't go along with it, he would just feed that into his negative energy stockpile and use it to harbor sympathy and attention from some other person. ("Oh, my son won't speak to me, whoa is me!") And he is very good at it, he has tons of followers, and everyone believes him. I think part of it is because he lies about things that are so large and taboo for jokes that people couldn't possibly imagine someone lying about it. Plus he follows through... if he claims he has an illness, he'll consult with doctors, check into the hospital, then make everyone feel sad for him because he was in the hospital. If someone pushes the issue with the doctors results, he just turns it around to get more sympathy, stupid doctors couldn't find the problem.

So I've learned just to stay away.

The last time I saw him, he was in the hospital. I went to visit. He was giving me sob stories. I was reacting without emotion, but engaging in the conversation.

He whined about how he gets dizzy when he drives. So I tell him he really shouldn't be driving, it is dangerous to himself and to others. He counters by telling me how, no, it isn't a problem, because when he feels that way he pulls over to the side of the road and rests his eyes for 20 minutes until he feels better. And if it doesn't go away (I pushed it) he calls someone to pick him up.

He complains about how he hurt his leg tripping over the vaccuum cleaner, and it still hurts, but the doctors can't find anything wrong. I tell him that is why he has to clean up the house... he is bound to hurt himself again with all of that clutter! (see "The House"). He says, no it wasn't the clutter, he left the vacuum there to answer the door and then forgot it was there. Such a shame because he is having trouble remembering things now.

So at one point one of my suggestions much have touched a nerve. He was obviously upset that I wasn't being drawn into his manipulation, so he started to get weepy and apologized and said the doctor told him he had cancer.

Now... the day before I visited my dad in the hospital, I called his doctor to find out how he was. The doctor told me the good news, they tested him for cancer and he came up negative. Dad has no idea that I was in touch at all with the doctors, obviously.

So this was not only a bold faced lie... it wasn't a lie drawn out of thin air or stretching the truth... like turning "I think I have cancer" into "I have cancer" this was a direct and diliberate lie.

That's the point where I told him I had to go, turned and walked out. I had perfect opportunity to call him on it then and there... but he would have started crying out of embarrasement from being caught in a lie (or had some other excuse) and I would have gotten upset and started an argument.

As we always say here, we have to make our own choices. It wasn't even a matter of getting into an argument with him. I don't want to give my body even the one molecule of stressed induced chemicals having any sort of reaction to this. I wasn't angry, I didn't want to "call him on it" I just knew that the thing for me was to not get drawn in AT ALL and just walk away from it. BELIEVE ME that is difficult for me to do. I am a perfectionist and always have the urge to "always be right" and here was an opportunity to have the last word. But it wouldn't have been the last word. I would be expecting satisfaction but would have only gotten more aggravation.

So I guess the answer to your question is "You don't, you get down off a duck!"