online or in real life. In real life I turn the tables on them. for example a so called friend living in another state called me claiming that she had recieved an adoption form regarding my son. I know this person thrives on creating chaos. for she has used other situations usually health issues for attention. her daughters are grown up enough now that they don't have alot of "health problems" she has basically exhausted health problems with herself since she has been diagnosed with a real health problem - multiple sclerosis and she does not like it. It was only a matter of time before she tried something different. only what she chose blew up in her face. Every March my sons and my case goes before the judge for review to make sure everything on the case is being done for my son. on top of that every 6 months there is a court hearing called Citizen Review board meeting which is basically the same as a court hearing for review except there is no judge and the board members are selected from the community like jury selection. Well this friend did not know that in March My lawyer asked on record about termination of parental rights because here if a child is in foster care a year that is the law. All sides my lawyer, sons lawyer, and DHS all stated no termination of parental rights. My son is going to stay in foster care until he is 18. He's too violent to come home and after seeing his therapy records I agree right now he needs residential treatment programs. This was discussed again as a formality at the september CRB. So when this friend called claiming to have an adoption paper for my son I knew right away she was just trying to manipulate me and cause chaos. So I demanded she find that paper and read it to me and I grabbed my court papers and told her I wanted her to tell me who signed it because I was going to report that person for breaching federal laws. she asked what I meant and I told her being my son is a minor his records are sealed so the DHS person who sent her the paper is going to lose their job just like a past caseworker on our case did for breach of HIPPA privacy law. She claimed she didn't know where this paper was and wanted to hang up to find it. I refused to hang up and made her look all the while I told her that my son was actively running away from the residential so it also could be a possibility that he ran and someone else besides the residential has him so I have to report this to DHS, my lawyer and his lawyer so they can varify one that paper and two that he is still at the treatment facility. then I let her go to make those calls. I of course did not. I let her stew for about an hour then called her back and asked if she found that paper and told her my lawyer diefinately wants a copy of it and becuase I am going to have to go to court for termination of parental rights as soon as possible so I really needed that paper. She started crying and I told her crying wasn't going to fix this situation. By her recieving that paper many laws were broken and it doesn't just affect me. it affects both lawyers, DHS, and the judge that issued that paper.On top of that because she recieved a paper to adopt my son and my son is in DHS care it means that DHS has to interview her and her girls and determine if her home is appropiate. She asked if that meant her home for her girls. I told her to think about it if her home is not acceptable for a home for my son what does that tell you about them thinking its accetpable for her girls. then I told her I had to go. I left it at that for the rest of the night then the next morning I called her and asked how she was and if she found that paper. She said she hadn't slept all night and no she didn't then appologized to me saying she didn't mean to get me all upset. I told her Im not upset I'm p'oed because in March during court and at the september CRB it was decided no termination of parental rights, my son would be staying in foster care/residential treatment centers until he is 18. and then I read my court paper to her and told her I did not appreciate what she attemped to pull trying to cause me problems and that if she wanted to create problems in her own life for attention go for it this situation will gladly offer her attention called years of jail time for fraud and losing her girls 2 to the system and 1 to the father. and then I hung up. This person usually calls me weekly and I have not recieved a health problem or other calls from her in three weeks and I don't expect any for a LONG time and then I have caller ID and haven't decided if I will answer her call when it does come.

On line I go with my gut feelings. I know that since this isn't face to face the person on the other end may not be who they portay themselves to be. so I look for things for example I have a life time of being abused. I know an abuser isolates a person so anytime I see someone working to isolate a person by only posting to that one person or repeatedly targeting the upset or weeker members for private chats and PM's that rings my isolation bells. I also look at the attitude of the person if someont tells a person not to post or PM or chat with them and the person persisits I know that person in real life most likely does not take no for an answer when is another real time "abuser bell". I also look for patterns - conficting statements and then cover the ***** routines and language or words that a person of that age, profession or lack of profession. All these things add up to whether or not in my gut I can trust that person. if it turns out my gut says no I dont have anything to do with that person - don't acknowlege their posts to me or answer their PM's eventually with my not giving them the attention they want they leave me alone.