Hi there it has been awhile since I have been here .......there has been so much depressing stuff that has happened in such a short time and it put my anxiety thru the roof..thought I wouldn't make it. Of course my computer crashed thru all this I had no where to turn . Psych Central was my crutch so I am so glad to be back.
Let's see I was here last I think in August my brother who is 18 months older than me found out he had cancer stage 2 had some aggressive treatments of radiation in the mean time my younger brother who is 2 yrs younger ( he had been dealing with liver disease) ended up in the ICU and died there 2 weeks later, he died Sept 15th. My other brother who has cancer is just done with treatments and now it's a wait to see if it is gone, my dad was diagnosed with Alziemers last spring and is now in a personal care home doesn't even know his son died or even who i am anymore. My mom does not want to live anymore and the last time I saw her a month ago told me this might be the last time you see me!
I also have my daughter who is still trying to get out of a country where she has no rights as a women, she and her brother were taken by there dad 16 yrs ago and we have contact by phone, the last time I talked to her after my brother died she was begging me to please help her come home because she is being physically abused It breaks my heart because there is nothing that I could do but listen to her.
My chest aches all the time the anxiety I deal with just about everyday I am becoming a recluse don't go anywhere haven't washed my hair in a week I eat and eat, starting to drink more...I should know better my brother just died from it but I cannot help it I drink and then feel regret which makes me feel even worse. I just sit here and always try not to cry I am afraid if I do I will not be able to stop and that would finally put me over the edge where I will lose my mind.