Hi dreamer, welcome to the group.

I've been reading your posts for awhile now, and this one I felt I needed to respond to.

First off, please realize how proud you should be over not cutting for that long. Everyone slips at some point in time when they are trying to stop doing something. I envy you, believe me.

I started cutting not too long ago myself - now I can't stop. I try to fool myself by saying that I haven't picked up a blade and actually made a cut - when in reality I do just what you do, pick at the scab and not let it heal. I use my knife to just "take the scabs off", but I'm not making any new cuts, so I'm okay..........yea right.

The scars on both my upper thighs stare up at me and are a testiment to my lies of "not cutting". I am amazed at how deep and ugly those scars are and am horrified at what I have done. Yet the urge to continue is more powerful than my horror and disgust.

I was doing well by hiding it but recently I cut my arm up so badly that I wrapped it, not only to hide what I had done, but I thought it would heal faster and I couldn't get to it while it was wrapped. I haven't done anything more to my arm, but I didn't realize that those cuts (all 19 of them) were so deep until the scars showed up.

I had told people at work that I had burned myself, but when I had no choice but to take the wrap off, my lie was very apparent........and everyday I am so embarassed.

You are not crazy or naive..........any day, any hour that you DON'T cut is good. Take it in little time slots and celebrate it with a good pat on the back for having gotten through it.

It is hard, a battle that is worse than most to overcome. You aren't alone, not at all. You aren't stupid either, just stressed and addicted to an outlet that seems to work for you.

In the long run though, getting to the root of what is bothering you is the only way to permanently stop cutting. I know this, but I haven't been able to deal with what I need to do. I may never be able to...........but I keep trying. Please try to solve whatever the issue is and work on getting through it.

In the meantime, keep hanging in there. Like I said, you're not alone.

Mary Alice