I have been feeling urges for hours , I tired distracting myself and keeping busy.
Tried everything i can think of to do , but nothing is helping at all .
I have been cutting every day . I am finding it hard to find a bit of my arms were there isn't cuts.
Most of today has been great went and saw harry potter 7 part 1 , had lunch out.
But i found out today that my niece might be doing drugs , she was accused of taking drugs by someone in her collage
I know it don't mean that she is taking drugs , but she has changed a lot in the last few months , she been sleeping a round with guys and drinking.
she is 16 and there is nothing that i can do about it , she lives with my mother, but has been staying at her mothers for the last few weeks.
My mother has said that she is smelling and not washing or changing her clothes and only goes to my mother for a shower and fresh clothes once a week .
She also goes missing for days on end at friends houses , doing God knows there
I know when she drinks she throws herself at guys as she was at a house party that my older niece was having and she was drunk with in an hour of the party starting .
My sister ( my nieces mother ) has drink in the house all the time and don't really keep an eye on it so my niece can get her has on it.
My sister isn't responsible enough to make sure my niece isn't drinking .
She also wants to drop out of collage because she is being accused of taking drugs and my sister is encouraging her too.
Also worried that she is doing all this because she might be depressed.
All this worry is really stresses me out and makes me want to cut more .

I also have a smear getting done on Friday, my husband is coming with me , but am really scared about it .
I am an abuse survivor , i was abused by both men and women so i feel very scared and worry that it will cause me to have flashbacks.

I feel i need to cut to cope and part of me wants to cut as well