What is therapy?

Is therapy that hour sitting in a chair...maybe...but, I don't think so.

It may also be all the feelings you have to deal with when you leave.

All the thoughts you contemplate once you drive home.

therapy are the moments you find out a truth about yourself

the moment you give yourself room for healing

the pain that is unbearable

this is therapy
it may be more of the moments we don't understand, then the moments that we do...

And although, something in me just "hurts'" because I know she can't care for me the way my parents do or my friends do...

I think I should stop crying about it, because I cannot take that personal.
With every client she sees, she acknowledges the same--in a sense, she has to maintain the same boundaries..but, I also feel like I see through some of her reactions of what she thinks of me...I can see...I know I can see that shes hiding many truths of what she thinks of me.

I have to leave therapy at the same time that I will be leaving my house and living on my own in a dorm

And its terrifying

not because I don't think I can handle it...

but, because for the first time I am having difficulty trusting my T.
She said she would do phone sessions while I'm at college
but, I feel too much has been unsaid
I feel I have been too vulnerable, negative, and needy through this process.
I feel weak. I need to know that it was okay to be me in that room,
because all of that pain, that WAS ME, that was what she asked for,
so why do I feel so guilty.?? I shared soo much...I've never been that honest, that vulnerable...or felt that much pain in front of another human being before. Am I supposed to regret it?

My T didn't respond to my email today and it really hurt because I happened to ask her a specific question, all it took was a yes--or--no answer...but, we had a rupture way back involving email so I'm wondering if shes just nerved about that and never really got over it and just used that particular situation to conclude that she probably shouldn't respond to my emails anymore.

I have to go off to college and I can't trust my T.
It hurts and its scary.
because, I don't want to be alone.
and it was time for me to open up the most intimate and important
detail of my life since I started therapy...I only have this one month left to do it...and how can I now..when I can't trust?
ITs killing me inside to wait for this phone session next week.
I will not let it ruin the holiday spirit though
and I will smile through the tears.