Every relationship I've been in has been short lived and terrible. When I was a kid I was pushed around by my dad so long story short I ran away with my Judo teacher who then touched me and then gave me to some other people who touched me and pushed me around but someone saved me and I found my way back home years later. Because of the constant sex in those times I guess I found I couldn't really live without it. But I hate it. I hate sex. But I'm compelled to do it. I've posted in the sex addicts forum already, because while I never enjoy it something is telling me I have to do it. Like it's not my choice. I know it is, but it doesn't feel like it. So, most of it's sex. If I happen to have a relationship it usually lasts around two to three weeks before the girl decides that I'm an out of control idiot who never loved her. And I can't argue. This whole "love" concept is beyond me. I loved my brother, but he died six years ago of a brain tumor, since then I haven't loved anyone. Even before then, aside from him, I loved no one.

Tell me, is it possible for me to ever fall in love when relationships are practically non-existent for me and sex isn't even fun? Am I asexual or something?!