I suppose that's true. With Rene I know for a fact I was willing to take anything, but he never abused me in anyway, or set out to intentionally hurt me; he kept his distance and never spoke about his girlfriends to me or anything. It was me who always pushed for conversation and attention.

With Jesse however, I knew that I was getting into something unhealthy. I could feel it. But I thought I had the control in the relationship.. and to everyone it really seemed like I did. When I look back on it though I see that he was the one who had all the control. I don't know if he knew he did or if he was just acting on impulse.. but he had way too much of it..

I wanna break the cycle of taking whatever guys give me. A few months ago I liked another guy who was 2 years older than I was.. I liked and admired greatly him and I followed him around school like a lost puppy; fully knowing that he thought me as nothing more than just a friend because I was too young for him in his eyes.. But inside (and probably also influenced by my friends and classmates) I thought if I was consistent enough something would click and he would one day just turn around and actually "see" me. It was Rene all over again.. But I don't know what it is that causes the cycle to even begin in the first place.