Thanks, Belle. That's exactly it. Vulnerability. I felt vulnerable during my entire childhood- escaping through music and fighting, and until I went to college I felt like I was vulnerable to anyone who looked at me. I didn't act like it, but I felt like it. When I was in college I could forget about my old life and pretend to not be vulnerable. I don't know if I can go back to my vulnerability. I guess I understand it's an irrational fear someone would find out, but I can't help myself from having these drastic daydreams that my best friend, the lead singer of the band, would shun me and hate me. I understand going to a therapist would be beneficial, but I don't know how I would open up. I really don't. I would sit there and I would try to say something but nothing would come out. I would fail.