Today, November 23rd, would've been my younger brother's birthday. He'd died six years ago of a brain tumor. He's the only person I've ever truly loved or cared about and watching him die slowly and painfully was worse than any of the abuse I've taken over the years. Every year on his birthday I go and get extremely drunk until I pass out-- but it doesn't end there. Usually for the next two months I'm in this haze and if I'm not drunk I'm high and if I'm not high I'm drunk. As another tradition, I usually go out and bother fighters who are higher up then me, and annoy them until they beat me up. I burn myself. Sometimes I'll cut my stomach. Every year I get closer and closer to just ending it. I ride on my bike and try and get run over, crash into things. I go on the top of buildings and look down, waiting to fall. I'm asking for trouble. I can't stop myself. I don't know what to do. Help!