When I was 15, I made up around 26 alters for myself. It was a creative thing, and not real MPD. I know now I do not have DID/MPD. I do not switch alters or have get fugues. I do have issues with memory, amnesia, and feeling dissociated though! But I will never forget my first psychiatrist. she diagnosed me as having MPD. She said she "could tell by looking into my eyes". I hear a duck. QUACK QUACK
That was back in 1991 or so. I think on it now and am of the opinion she shouldn't have been practising at all. If she made such a statement and assessment of me, what did she do to other people? And the repercussions? I think that's really awful and so so unprofessional.
I have been to see counselors off and on since then. I never go for very long. I have trouble meeting eyes. I can't cuss because I think I'll make the counselor uncomfortable even that should be part of their job to hear the dirty nasty stuff! I can't cry in front of people. So, I can't get very far in counseling. I mean, it's a stranger. Lord knows I have tons of things to talk about. I have an early childhood that I have bad feelings about. Not bad, terrifying rather. I thought when I was 15 and suspected that I could see a hypnotherapist and figure it all out. It didn't work that way. I didn't feel I was under. I wanted to laugh or open my eyes. But after i passed a preschool playground and crossed the street and threw up in front of a Mexican restaurant. Luckily, it was closed and no one was around. that tells me something. It was the hypnosis attempt and seeing the preschool playground. I feel liek if I confront it, Iw ll lose my mind. I always wanted to remember but Id rather keep my sanity. Its hard enough with it blocked. If it is unblocked Im in big trouble.