Thank you everyone for your warm welcomes, honesty, and advice.

I didn't reply yesterday, as I spent a great amount of time bouncing between a therapy appointment and dealing with so many horrible feelings in my mind.

My therapist didn't want to put me in the hospital without my consent. I wasn't sure what to do. If Thanksgiving wasn't this week, I would have taken him up on it. I am scheduled to travel six hours away for the holidays. He seemed nervous about me being so far away.

My husband is emotionally abusive and non-supportive. My T is nervous about me being with him, as my mental illness and his cruel reactions can create the perfect storm of instability.

He did page my psychiatrist, but we did not hear back from him. I am still waiting to hear what to do about these meds. I didn't take the Depakote again. I did take the Emsam (which by the way is a MAOI patch). I am just waiting.

There is no happiness...no hope...no excitement. I cannot find joy in my life (despite having four healthy kids ages 10, 6, 5, 4).

Thanks again for your welcomes.