I had my appt this morning as I do every Tues and I had planned what I was going to share and then I shut my feelings down. I felt distant from T (now I feel even more distant and as you read on you'll see why). I found it hard to just talk about the lighter stuff and was screaming in my head - talk! just talk! - say what you need to say! but it was too hard in that moment.

At the end of my appt she asked what I would like to do next (make an appt is what that translates to - or not). I asked her what her schedule looks like and she said next week she's 'off' and then recanted and said that her M, Tues, Wed was booked up with students coming back to school. WTF IS THE POINT OF HAVING A STANDING APPT THEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (I screamed in my head) She then told me that she got booked up but she could meet with me on Thurs of next week so I took that time. In addition to that she did offer the following Tues same time per usual.

I know I probably sound like a brat right now but i feel so distant from T right now. I'm hurt that she gave up my time Tues of next week to someone else. I guess I should look at the positive side that she had an opening on Thurs? I'm a flexible person in general and I originally had a 10:30 standing appt on Tues and that got switched to Tues 11:30 kind of by her influence (I don't mind that). Sorry for witching ........... I'm feeling sad right now.... scraps ... nothing but scraps.