Thank you phoenix for your hugs and your response (geez LOVES hugs but IRL it's really awkward/difficult for me to initiate hugs as much as I love them - but I digress).

My appts used to be scattered here and there and then she volunteered an option for me to have a set time and day of week for me to work best with my schedule as I need to arrange child care etc.. and Tues are less hectic for me ( that is something I aways wanted but was always afraid to ask and she offered that option to me ) - a standing appt and I would just have to let her know if I wasn't going to come for an appt for that Tues.

I don't know if she's stirring the pot to get me to say something? I hate confrontation and I typically shut down. The last 4 sessions have been difficult in a good way. I felt really connected and safe with T (safe enough to take my shoes off at my last session - something I always wanted to do but was too afraid to - today I kept my shoes on). In the pervious four sessions I was able to be open and honest and to feel my emotions and talk about them as painful as it was. I surrendered myself to them and I felt like it was something I've been wanting but haven't been able to do. Now I feel different and want that feeling back.

Fortunately with the holiday weekend coming up I can be busy enough to pass the time but next week is going to be hard waiting till Thursday.

Thanks for listening.