Getting help for all things is the first step after talking about it here. We aren't professionals and can't tell you excatally what you may be expereiencing. But we do know it's serious.

Besides all that. I do understand how you feel. I had to leave school twice. and it was more discrimination then for my own safety. I have been in a mental hospital it was helpfull for part of the time. But you do have to be open about everything you are truely thinking of. Please becareful. This is one of the hardest things to deal with. and like Skully said getting help with the drugs (if you are still on them) is one of the first steps to recovery. If you need anything. let me know.