Thank you so much for your kind words.
I'm not completely in the closet-i have a few friends who know, they are abroad, well considering my move they are, and I can call them, to talk when I'm really on the brink of hell. But physically, I feel soo lonely.

Owllover - spot on. At this point, this guy, is not a close friend. If he was he wont invite me to parties, which seem more like dates sometimes... Parites are a huge stressor for me, not because I am shy, but because I feel like i spend hours acting like someone I'm not, which makes me feel worse once I get home.

I don't know if maybe we could be good friends in the future, but it won't happen at a party, and so I don't even know if he's the type to get this even if i tried. I was out with him listening to a female friend of his complaining about how depressed she was cos one of her three boyfriends hadn't called yet... I just felt like.. Not rage. But disconnect.

The move has been a stressor. My roommates aren't nice. I'm looking again I am not happy. So I know I need someone, but I also know I need to stay under my duvet to be safe from myself. I feel like i only actually feel worse, when I'm out there, and have people to compare myself with...

Blueoctober + Trippin - you're right, about maybe just a I'm feeling low. Yet even just saying that, expects me to feel better tomorrow or the next. And I don't know if i will feel better.

Sugarhorse - I moved to italy. The mental health system - well. Let's just say I'm still looking, and scared the second I run out of meds I'll be totally messed up.

THANK you, i am defineltly going to spend more time here. I wander if we can search for members by location...could be useful. xx