Ugh!! ((((((((((((geez)))))))))))

When T messes up the schedule, it feels awful. Early in therapy, he gave my standing appt time away, and I felt super hurt. I actually got to see him the same day, an hour later, but it still felt....yuck. Like he had just FORGOTTEN about me, you know?

And twice, when my session has run late and we haven't had time to schedule my appt, he has PROMISED to keep a spot for me AND FORGOTTEN. AAAAA!!!!!

All of that happened a long time ago, and we really did talk and talk about it. Because it hurt my feelings and made me feel really unimportant. I *knew* on some adult level that it was just scatter-brained T making scheduling mistakes, but what it FELT like was "treehouse? who's treehouse?"

I got really proactive about scheduling, because I didn't want it to happen again, and it really never did happen again. And T and I have both seen how much more stable I am when I see him as often as I need to, so I know he goes out of his way now to make sure I get sessions, even when he's only going to be in one day during a week or whatever. And THAT feels good and makes me feel really cared for.

How you feel is important. It is "right". When I feel sad or upset or angry and then beat myself up for feeling that way, it makes it that much worse...because I have the feeling I started with and then all of this shame piled on top of it.

T sometimes tells me my feelings are "right and good". He tells me that our feelings are just there to give us information. There's no right or wrong.

Therapy is super super super hard work. Be gentle with you.