Yes, SARK's books are great; she was sexually abused (I believe by her brother) as a young woman and deals with becoming herself in spite of that.

I have never heard of a book that would be quite like you are wishing for. I think there is no "normal" it just is what one feels good about for one's self. I know I didn't become sexually active until I was quite old and didn't marry until I was 39 but I knew I was "normal" in the sense that I was born with all the right physical "equipment" and desires that go with them, etc. :-) I think if I had your interests, I would read lots of good, young adult books about coming of age, etc.