Lordy Lordy Lordy Rebecca, did you hit a button with me this morning!!!! The non-reactive thing, oh m goodness..... after 8 years with the same Dr., she still can't read me around pain. I stuff it all. Mom
(mother who can't mother) informed me that everybody has pain, so shut up and get over it. I was a little kid with migaines and an ulcur, plus back injuries. Go figure. I can dead pan through just about anything (I'm not talking flat affect here). Of course, inside I am just devestated and in agony.... I am currently trying to ammend this behavior to at least be able to get the words "ow, that hurt" out my mouth at the time of injury. I can break a toe without a peep or change of expression. When I was 28, a friend informed me that she WAS NOT IN PAIN, that once in a while she got a headache. I was dumbfounded. (Mom had lied.) I had no concept of life without bad pain. I still look at people living their lives, moving around doing things,with big eyes: they are not in pain?! What a concept. I've had to try to change my seat to try to review my basic concepts of myself in the world and integrate this amazing information. That led to having to learn how to ask for help. That led to learning how to ask for help from people who had help to give... I still suck at it, but I'm learning. Finding a neutral feedback source anywhere in my world, to triangulate myself agaist, figure out my actual place in the whole, has been tricky. My MSN TV2 has turned out to be a great source -- my keyboard doesn't crap on me if I do something over and over, hit the wrong button, go to the wrong site, etc etc etc. It's been so good for me to get this new perspective. Free to be me, a place to learn safely and at my own pace. Of course, then I have to extropolate my brains out and suck each morsel of info I figure out dry, but, that's just part of who I am. I'm having the time of my life. And this site, oh, I am in love. Welcome aboard, I just got here myself! I can't hardly wait til I can make more than 3 posts a day!!! We are not alone. Imagine that!!!