Yes, today went much better. She was extra sure to check in frequently and make sure that I had all the opportunities to share what ever I needed to.

Anyway... Part of what we discovered is that 15 years of therapy has managed my symptoms but has not provided the healing I am looking for and KNOW is out there. I may be transitioning away from my current T as things are not working (I'm too "messy" to use her word) so I am looking for a new T.

In the past few sessions with my massage therapist I have started to find that kind of healing, the kind of healing my T's told me I could never find. When I tried to process it with my T my T had a fit because it is too far outside of her school of training (even though she sent me to the massage therapist and kept encouraging me to stick with it!). Others can see what she does for me even though they don't get it. It is just too far beyond current thoughts in western psychology.

So... The converstion has started about the possibility of working with my massage therapist and doing body based integrative therapy. She works a lot on mindfulness, being in my body and being present in the moment. As we talked we discovered that I was moving towards doing that with her last week but I wasn't clear on what was so important.

Most T's I have worked with have earned my trust intelectually. I honestly didn't like my massage therapist for a while into our work. She earned my trust from the inside out... my head was, by far, the last to catch on. And because of how she expresses herself and my challenges from the autism (I have face blindness) working with her stretches me more than working with people I "liked" right off. She would also be the first person that I have ever worked with that all my parts want to work with.

BTW... because I know someone will raise the concern (and it is a very valid concern)... She is VERY well trained as a T as well as massage therapist. When our state moved to requiring licensure for T's she chose not to be "grandfathered" in as a therapist because she was mostly teaching and doing massage. Frankly in so many ways she has already been the best T I have ever worked with and she hasn't even been trying. I would also be continuing with my pdoc.