Well I did it. I sent T an email.. I figured F it. I feel a bit imature for having done it but I wanted to put it on her. I don't want to have to sit with this for 10 days so I said to myself screw it. Let her sit with these crappy feelings now.
Thanks for reading this trash. I guess I have many things to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.

My email to T:

I’m embarrassed to be sending you this but I wanted to put this out there and rid myself of worrying about this for the next 10days.

A part of me feels really stupid and immature for sending this but I’m hurt that my time was given to someone else next Tuesday. In general I was feeling disconnected today at my appointment (not sure why). Before my appointment I had it in my mind what I wanted to talk about and then I shut down emotionally (perhaps I should have given myself a minute in the beginning?). The previous 4 appointments were hard for me not just talking about things but the feelings I had afterwards.

Back when you first came up with the idea for me to have standing appointments I must say I was relieved and thankful (something I probably never told you). There’s a safety in knowing that I have a designated time and a comfort I’ve always wanted. Now I feel like I’m cast aside. I’m just some worthless client of yours. How could I be so stupid.