I am AMAZED at how much what I have been feeling fits with many of the threads I have read in the "Bipolar" forum. Constantly thinking...and not stopping....to where I have to have a conversation with myself to calm me down; Never sleeping enough except when I sleep the whole day after sleeping around 5 hours for 2 to 3 days; Knowing I can survive anything that I attempt to do, although I usually get hurt.
Something that I have tried to answer is "Who Am I?" And after going through college and getting a masters degree pursuing one field, I have figured out what I LOVE to do, which is completely different than what I have all of my schooling in. So what I LOVE to do is workout....and I have become a Certified Personal Trainer as a result. I am beaming when I workout and am helping others....nothing could make me happier!
But....I feel that I am pursuing a Personal Trainer job because of other reasons than just LOVING working out. I mean that for the past 14 years I have been trying to improve my physical ability after being hit-by-a-car. My life was turned upside down....I had to learn to walk, talk, and function all over again. But I NEVER accepted what doctors told me which lead me to where I am now. So instead of just re-learning how to walk, I run in races now. And I have never stopped learning after being in a coma for a month.
I do whatever activity comes my way....there is pain, but I can't stop...because if I did I would have to accept me as I am now, which I don't. I always feel that there is room for improvement, and I see myself improving all the time so why would I stop? Although, I also see the effects of what I am doing to myself. And although I have found what I really LOVE to do, I feel unhappy!
So my question is: is my reason (aka. my PASSION to workout and help others) behind being a Personal Trainer worth the pain I feel as a result of working out? Worth the fact that if I keep doing what I am doing, a knee replacement will occur sooner in my life than it should? (I am 25 years old. A knee replacement will last for 10 years and can only occur twice in someone's lifetime, and it should be done when someone is in their 50s...maybe 40s. So basically I am screwed!) And could my determination to continue to workout to improve my physical ability be clouding what I truly could LOVE?....this idea of improving my physical ability has been a part of me for more than half of my life.
Thanks for your help! Cherrios!