I don't know that there is any "perfect" solution... in fact I am sure that there is not... but I do think that PsychCentrals rules and community work to be one of the best compromises, by far, of all of the help forums I've been a member of (I haven't been on that many, so I'm not dissing ALL other mental health sites... it's just that once I found this one, I stopped looking.)

Controversy, clashing personalities, upheaval is just a part of web society, just as it is IRL, but IRL we have different sorts of filters. We make friends that we meet by sharing similar interests, we become a member of a group of friends usually with not many age differences, similar or compatible religious beliefs, political beliefs... Of course not that is often not the case but we tend to have natural skills to "gravitate" toward people we are generally compatible with. Even when thrown together, such as in the workplace, the nature of "work" will filter people with similar educations, similar talents, etc.

On the web it is a whole different set of rules... we meet each other based on just one criteria... in this case it is others with mental illness. It could be a forum that shares a hobby, or a favorite TV show... whatever. Unlike being in a room, say at a convention or a support group, where you will see a lot of people and "instinct" will draw you to the few you feel you may be comfortable with... on the web it is all sight unseen. No sense of age, gender, no clues for truth vs. dishonesty, etc. In many ways that is what is what is cool about the web... it helps break down stereotypes and expands the types of people we get to know. Ever found an interesting connection with someone online and then discovered they were waaaay younger than you or waaaaay older? Someone you probably wouldn't have approached IRL?

Add to that the fact that the sense of anonymity on the web can offer us a false sense of security, so we may open up faster, bond faster than we would IRL.

And on top of that, there are truly some people who just enjoy being mean on the web... lying to get a response and stir tempers. Things that the normal human ego would prevent people from doing IRL. IMO it is a brand new form of social misbehavior that just grew out of the web.

Website forums have different sets of rules and different styles to help with this. Some are "no holds barred" and people seem to thrive on flame wars. Those are easy for us to stay away from. Many have rules against flamming, but controversy still breaks out from time to time, its just natural. Some ban discussion of certain topics that are simply known to always evolve into controversy and heated tempers and hurt feelings. Religion, politics, and the Great Pumpkin.

As with IRL, people are responsible for protecting themselves. Limiting what they read, staying out of conversations that they know might hurt them, avoiding forums with a rough-and-tumble attitude. But a mental health site has additional challenges that add another layer of complexity. We are vulnerable, but unlike other sites, we can't say "well if you are vulnerable you'd best not be here" because this is a place of support for vulnerable people. Many of us suffer anxiety and OCD that makes it difficult if not impossible to simply skip over posts we don't wish to read, especially if they pertain to us or are in our threads. My OCD makes it very hard for me to leave a forum without at least skimming EVERY new message... I can't leave until all those bold titles are marked "read". Fortunately I generally don't have any problem being triggered by anything read here. But it does effect me by eating up my time, which is why it is difficult for me to visit here when I am working.

So we have to do the best we can, and that includes a combination of rules, enforcement of rules, general trust mixed with caution, and an understanding that we will all try to be helpful, supportive and understanding to others here.

It will never be perfect, because ANYTHING that you say has potential to be triggering to someone, and sometimes our mental illness, or sometimes even our personal general nature regarding a certain topic, causes really heightened feelings and makes it difficult to balance (it is always about balance) our desire to defend ourselves or our beliefs with the need to protect ourself, which may require stepping back from the issue. And sometimes once something has been read, the damage has simply been done, and we have to do our best to move past it, hopefully with the help and understanding of others here.

I do believe, as I stated above, that PsychCentral has a very very good "base" philosophy in combination with a general population that fits these "ideals" rather well. We respect the fact that we can't discuss certain topics because of the harm it can cause to the overall community. We also try to respect one another while seeking the support we need, that is yet another balance we must strive to find, and I just think that PC gives you a "head start". Sometimes only something very difficult and upsetting is the only solution to maintaining that balance, such as banning a member. The staff must weigh the balance of the potential harm of that member with the hurt and confusion to the community by the act of banning.

Sometime we just have to trust that although things may hurt us here, that the continued support of the community and rules and staff keeps this place at the best balance possible. It helps that I truly believe that by far most of the members here also strive to keep that balance of keeping this a "safe" community while also balancing their own needs. On many other forums it feels like it is the inmates against the wardens... with members always pushing the rules as far as they can for their own selfish purposes or simply to be troublemakers. That rarely happens here I think.

Everyone, do your best to keep yourself safe. That is PRIORITY #1... and find the right balance of trust and caution that works for you. Sometimes trust will be violated and people will be hurt unfortunately... but I believe that as far as trust goes, PsychCentral has much better odds of supporting a trusting environment. You never get any gain without taking a bit of risk, and I hope that for most, it is a little safer and easier to choose that risk, well above the "norm" for internet sites.