Well, what can I say but welcome to PC. It can change your life abit if you let it it. I've been in a highly self-dangerous mood before and have survived it. So you can do it too!!! There are many of us on here that have been through what you have been thorugh (at least partly) You are in good company here. I would encourage you to look into Emotional Freedome Technice, or some herbs. The Emotioanl Freedome Tehniche or EFT can help without the price of a Therapist. and can be helpful. Please just try it. Start with... "Even though I feel so scared and alone, I deeply and Truely accept myself" and see what that does but you must do it with the tapping. I recomend Tapping.com becuase it shows you thorugh videos. I would also recomend EFT.org (or I think that's what it is). Try it. It could help.

Hoping that you will do much better in the next few days. (and read below, it can help too)