Struggling right now.....& when I tried to figure out where this post belonged, I couldn't determine if it would be under relationships, grief, psychotherapy, anxiety, or PTSD. How can so much be wrapped up in one person?

With Thanksgiving coming around, it was last year when I had my Mother put into the hospital which was the start of her downhill slide of her cancer spreading......then with her lack of allowing me in on the information....the home care RN came into the picture with all the ID theft & horrible experiences I went through with that. I am fighting with my mind to not go there......but it is a continuous battle. (PTSD, grief, relationship)

My sessions with my psychologist have been going down hill too. It wasn't until after the session yesterday & I was out at the ranch....thinking about how things have been going, that I realized that is seemed like everytime I tried to say something, she was talking about some personal things. I initially thought that I was dumping too much out....& might have been interrupting what she was trying to tell me,,,,,but replaying the tape in my head, I was interrupting the same words. It is very hard to explain what happened, but it wasn't the first time it happened.....only the first time I stopped my thinking long enough to realize what has been happening for some time now. (psychotherapy, relationship).

I decided to call her up but I couldn't get out what was irritating me about what has been going on. All I could say was that I haven't been getting much out of the sessions & wondered if they were necessary anymore? (avoiding conflict? or what). I am sitting here shaking & in tears & feeling really sick to my stomach......wondering where to turn now. We left it that I would not have appointments only when I need them......well I need them just can't seem to get the communication out & when I try, she is talking. I feel so confused right now I don't know where to turn. She was there initially when the PTSD was so bad....but not really worked through either......maybe it is just me that doesn't know after all these years to really deal with therapy. There are times where I really need someone to pull some thing out....my whole life I have kept everything to myself....unless someone asks me a question....then I can answer.

Another problem I am having with therapy & have had for sometime......I do not follow the normal symptoms of a DX......like the anorexia I deal with.....there are soooo many books out there.....that are recommended reading.....wonderful.....I don't relate to them at all. That was the same with when I was in a treatment center.....it was like everyone was talking a foreign language wher it came to relating to them. But that is the story of my life. I have never been able to relate to many people.....my drives, interests, thinking, values.....were always different from everyone else.

My frustration is beyond explaination right now & feel lost....the way I did at the beginning of the year when I was trying to find something that would help. It's kind of a lost feeling that is taking over again.

Debbie