I miss my Dad so much it's getting unbearable.. In fact I'm crying now just thinking about it.. yet he's always just across the room from me. I feel so far away from him.. at such a great emotional distance. I miss my Dad spending all night home with me and only me. I miss being carried by him into my bedroom, and saying "I love you" every night. I miss making art work and having him post it on the walls for everyone to see. I miss coming home with a 100% on a test, feeling so happy because I know my Dad was going to be proud of me.. I miss crying because I had gotten one C on a report card full of As, because I felt like I had failed him. I miss making him proud, and I miss him being my best friend and my hero, and the only thing I'll ever need.

Now all I do is make him sad for me.. make him worry.. I disappointed him in every way imaginable.. Everything he's ever taught me is going to waste as I struggle with the basics of life.. things that I had been able to do without thinking before. He works so much and I'm so ungrateful. He tries his best but I stilll get mad when he gets it wrong..

I miss being the "perfect daughter".. now I'm just a big monster.