I don't think I could show him. My Dad was and still is my hero and he saved me from a life of misery.. but that life of misery caught up with me and the depression hit as I started becoming aware of life and how people are. I got caught up with emotions and isolated myself.. thinking (as all teenagers do) that no one understood me and I was alone in the world. I'm getting out of it, and my Dad is returning to his place as my guardian and my oasis, but.. It was easier when I was little and my feelings were simple and innocent.. now I'm full of many things I'd love to say, love to apologize about, regrets and such.

I feel the distance, and I know he does too. He's told me before how through those years I pushed him away, and how it hurt him to see me the way I am. Plus.. I can feel it. My Dad and I are very similar in many ways and I just know how he's feeling by looking at him or talking to him.. or even just being in the same room. I know that my actions, my depressed mood and my deteriorating academic life hurts him, but I've fallen into that trap and I'm not sure how to get out of it.

I don't know where the save of sudden negativity came from however.. one moment I was watching some show about meerkats and the next I was bawling about my Dad..