Now I just have to figure out the triggers before things happen. So, I think by starting with the past is the best way to try to find them. When I have SI'ed it's becuase I felt so alone, and scared. I didn't really know what to do, but I felt like by telling about why I was release from school I would have to punish myself.

That's IT!! I've seen SI as a Punishment because I told one of my deepest screts, that I was Suspended because of things outside of my control. And now with that out I feel like I have to SI again, but I can stop the cycle. The past I can't change but I can change the present. I can change how I view the world.

So here's my secrets.......
I have been suspened because of being on the wrong meds. That was the first time. Then I went back and i was afriad of going back into that office where I was suspened... and it happened again 2 years later. And now I'm not returning to where all that happened. but I will be an 1.5 hours away from there but I get to creat my own self again. So I get to change how I view the world... and change how I think.

I have wanted to go further then just SI'ing but I can change that too. I can look behind the motivations... And change my current motivations. But that means trying to get out of Depression. but that could be changed by looking at triggers of when I get depressed....

And Since I don't have a Therapist I'm going to find the triggers and post them on here to just get them out of me... So for all those that read this, Feedback is nice. and then after I get things worked through then I can help you out. Far enough right!