Quote:
Originally Posted by geez
Thanks for your response Penguin. I guess my MO is typically to be a doormat and not say anything. I'm working on not being a doormat and being more vocal. I sent her an email as perviously posted and I'm sure I will have to bring it up verbally when I see her. I'm so nervous about it and scared. I fear she is going to reject me.
Anytime I was upset about something I was told that I was being too sensitive and my feelings were never validated (when I would try to go to my mom for support - this is something I tried once - she physically pushed me away and yelled at me). Blah, blah, blah.......
Thanks for listening.
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Geez, I understand these feelings SO WELL. Do you watch In Treatment? In this week's episode Paul (the T) is in therapy with Adele, and he gets angry at Adele and tries to push his boundaries and she stands firm...but oh it made me SO UNFCOMFORTABLE. I was literally shouting "Oh no!!! Oh my god! ahhhh!" and covering my eyes like a kid
I seriously could not handle him being mad. Obviously I have anger issues. I have been in therapy for 3 years, and just a week ago was able to leave a voicemail to my T saying that I was afraid she was annoyed at me because she compared me to Eeyore. I really couldn't say "That hurt my feelings", I had to re-direct it by saying what I was afraid SHE was feeling.
And that was HARD. Very hard. Then in therapy, my EMDR-T (who had heard the VM too) said that she was glad I could be so honest on her VM, and I joked "Yeah, and it took me 3 years to do this." I sometimes think I am moving at the smallest increments possible forward. So, I admire you for being able to be direct with your T, and keep at it. I let everything drop right away or just never say it at all. It is safer for me to absorb the hurt then to draw attention to it--because I DO.NOT.WANT anyone to be angry at me.
