((((((Distressed))))))

First, I am very sorry that you were abused.
Second, you are doing the right thing by reaching out for help.

It is not going to be easy for you to claim your mental health, but I think you found that out already. And you are right, it is very difficult for a person who comes from an abusive past to learn how to turn off the internal abuser. But you CAN do it.

I want to share with you some of the things I had to learn along the way that I hope may help you out. It took years of pain for me to figure out some of this stuff, so I hope that by sharing with you, you might be able to start using the information NOW and not suffer as long as I had to suffer.

1) Everyone has an opinion. But they are not YOU. You are the one who has to look at yourself in the mirror. You are the one who sleeps inside your skin at night. YOUR opinion on things that pertain to YOU must come first. It is not easy to do this and it will take practice. You don't have to tell the other person you don't agree with them. You can still respect their opinion. But in the end, YOU get to choose! That is your right as a human. - AND - it is your RIGHT as an adult. Welcome to the world of being an emotional adult. This is YOUR time to take charge of how you feel about you. Other peeps will have an opinion and they will be more than happy to dose it out to you. But you have the option now and the right to throw away the junk mail. Don't accept emotional spam :-)

2) Some people are toxic. There are people who are what my mentor calls "emotional vampires" - they get a high from watching their family and friends suffer silently as they put them down or drain them. They may not even realize they are feeding off others in this way! But when you are around them, you are drained of life energy and emotional sanity. In these situations, you have to learn how to make yourself safe. If you must be around them, you have to know how to not allow them to put you down. This is a hard thing to learn for those of us who were abused. You need to be able to say "I do not appriciate the comment you just made." You don't have to fight the person or join into their drama. Just make your stand and be clear about your emotions. If they continue to cross your boundaries, then it is time to cut them off.

"I have told you that I do not appriciate your comments about this topic. Because you are not respecing my boundaries on this, I am not going to hang out with you. If you want me to come over again, you will need to promise me that you will respect my boundary about this."

3) For the things that play over and over in your mind, you will need to have an alternate truth. If you hear "You are a blah blah blah" - then you need to come up with a truth that you know is right. For example, mine was "You are a very friendly person who does get along with others." Each time you hear the bad thing go through your mind, make yourself say outload the good thing.

The other thing you can do is to start a journal and record each time someone says something nice to you. In fact, write down all the things you remember from the past as well! Allow yourself to accept these good things. It takes work, but you can choose to make these things your truth.

Big hugs to you!