Tomi,
Thank you...not offended either.....I mostly do that to myself it is my way of getting back into the now....gotta laugh.

I just had a conversation with my psychologist......not knowing exactly how to start......I guess what I get out of therapy isn't what they see either.....I was right on that account. I guess there is the typical aspect of me where I always expect more out of me that what others think. I have felt that if I am spending money for therapy, I should be getting something out of it. I now understand from what was said that when I have a good day, I am allowed to have that good day & not pry into anything at that time. It is nice to know the phylosophy behind the therapy. The problem is when I am not having a good day only I am hiding it from even me. Then I come out of therapy wondering why I am still feeling lousy inside & what is going on.

I was surprised that I was able to express what was bothering me well enough between the tears to even get anything out. Guess there is so much going on inside of me. I can look at my life & not see all that I am going through without support.....until she brought up all that is going on in my life from the time depression finally came out almost 12 years ago. The situation that caused that is long over.......but the depression is still around to haunt.

I felt lucky that my critters have been here to give me the needed mental break I have.....what is hard it now that it is coming to the year point when everything happened to throw me completely off last year, I am having a hard time being able to put it in the background right now. I have always had to be the strong person.....the one that has the answers. Now I am feeling very sick again. I was sensing some internal fighting going on lately....& was hoping that is would turn out ok......but am finding that there is still junk that is able to take over again. I am supposed to be the strong person who no one sees is bothered by anything. It's amazing that how your are preceived is not what is really going on inside.

I am still fighting the ghosts of last year......& the depression from way before that trying to burry as much as I can so I can still function. It is getting harder & harder.

Debbie