I'm sick. Really, really sick. I have a huge infection, I went to the dr earlier this week (after my T really, really encouraged me to call the dr, I finally did it!) and I got antibiotics.

But I'm not feeling better, and actually am a lot worse. Fever, chills, nausea, vomiting, PAIN. So much pain.

I called the on-call dr who works with my ob/gyn and she told me to go to the er. I couldn't do it. The idea, just thinking about it, made my whole body go numb and my ears start ringing and my chest hurt. The idea of going into an er and having a pelvic exam...way way way WAY too triggering. I don't have anyone who could go with me, and even though I knew I could call T (not to go with me, just to talk to her and get some coaching), I didn't want to disturb her holiday.

So right now I'm just trying to get through the night, I'm in so much pain and I feel so sick. I can't drag myself out there in the dark and cold. I'm hoping I will be miraculously better in the morning, but if not I will have to go to the er because my dr's office doesn't open again until Monday.