I may be off here but when I get in that space I realize I have been lazy...

I get sad, mad, happy, I grieve... from family and the other things in my life. When there is something going on in my life that causes an emotion I work hard to specifically name that specific emotion. The emotion is a response to something in my life.

Depression itself, for me, isn't about life outside my body. It is a sign that my meds may need changed, that I am not taking care of myself, I am not doing the work I need to be doing... It is, for me, a symptom or a warning and is a part of the work of healing.

I get stuck in places where any "bad" feeling just gets lumped into the word "depression". Depression becomes a catch-all when I am being lazy about my feelings...I'm not doing my work. This sets me up for the "shoulding" myself.

If I work hard at being specific about my emotions then I know that what is around me causes emotions. Depression is a seperate thing. I am less likely to look around and get myself more depressed by "shoulding" myself... I'm not doing good self care whenI am "shoulding".

Just what I have noticed with myself... and not sure I explained it in a way that makes sense.