velcro, I can definitely see how all this can be incredibly confusing! Feeling the freeze-up around sex -- having emotional connections to both men and women -- and being at that age where you really feel that pressure to answer the question: do I want a family, and a life partner? You are bound to feel some confusion as you sort all this out.

I myself thought I might be bisexual for a while since I get incredibly intense feelings for my female friends at times. Eventually I realized that those feelings were usually just "friend crushes" and not sexual in nature, but it can be quite hard to distinguish. I still sometimes think I wish I could experiment with a woman just to see, but I never end up doing that because I don't want any person to be my experiment. So I've given up on that. I've been with men before and been happy with that, and I want to have my own biological children one day, and I don't really see myself having a lifetime partnership with a woman, so I guess that settles the issue for me, and I feel at peace with my choice. I don't know what questions you need to answer to be able to find your peace.

The freeze-up with sex, though -- this is something you really need to talk with your T about. I KNOW, I KNOW. But this, she can help you with, and I think you DO want this to be resolved, or at least it sounds like it. I don't always have the freeze-up (I usually retreat into my mind and am on auto-pilot during sex but I usually am able to participate from afar), but I have periods where I just CAN'T do it, and there are techniques and there is exposure therapy for that. I know you are highly avoidant of this stuff velcro but for your own peace of mind, perhaps it is worth it to experience the anxiety? It's just.. this would be a great place to go with your EMDR T. I can sense how stuck you feel.. won't it feel great to get unstuck?

Wishing you peace, and courage.