I know the real world has great things to offer. for one my son. for another the fantastic friend that I have had for years some reach back 20 years. I also know from actively participating in such things as my states government task force that there are people who do what whats best in the world and will do anything to make the world a better place so I hold on and add to t he worlds wonderful gifts by offering help where I can which in turn helps me.

I remember one time I felt like you. and I had had enough. I climbed out of bed and started walking to the bathroom to end it all. in the process I stepped on my self help textbook my support group was working in. I decided before I leave this god forsaken place I would write to the author and let her know what I thought of her book and how my the support group was using it. That one page letter turned into many and not short of 10 pages. Then I put it into an evelop, addressed and stamped it and even though it was the middle of the night I walked that letter to the nearest mailbox on a corner. Once mailed I of course couldnt kill myself for four days so she would have a chance to get that letter clear accross country. The four days came and I decided I had to wait another 4 days because what if she wrote back and I wasnt there. That would just be rude and I would be like the rest of this uncaring world. This would make it 8 days from my mailing date. On the 7th day I opened my mailbox and there was a letter from this author asking me not to leave this world and then told me how my life matches hers and she gave me a reason to hang on. I worte back and she wrote back again. Everytime I wrore she wrote. She refused to give up on me. That was 14 years ago and she is still there showing me I'm worth her time even though she is now world reknown. No matter what I bring her way she's there. I have since taken to looking for lifes gifts within the heartaches, problems and letdowns. So much so that sometimes I even amaze my friend as her last two sentence email showed when she wrote ---"you are just going to keep finding hope in hell aren't you. They don't call us survivors for nothing"

Like one of my lifes gifts is my author friend who I never expected (but hoped) would write back once let alone be there for 14 years and still going strong theres a lifes gift out there for you. just hang on it happens in the most unexpected ways. Take care.