need to clarify re the reaction of others when they say i'm a hardass...that is their perception because i do not go along with what they think i should do or say. for them it is threatening and all i am doing is refusing to allow them to force their opinion on me. i found an effective way of doing this in heated situations...i don't speak, i just look at them. i don't go for the carrot. this is very frustrating to the other party cause i won't get into "game". they may be looking for an altercation but i won't allow someone to interfere with my serenity. i value that in my life more than most anything. it took time to acquire it but i did. so rather than responding verbally i set my boundary sometimes by silence.