|
I understand what you are saying. What I am saying is that you cannot change your sister's behavior, only your own. You have choices in how to respond. If you choose to respond with equal hostility it will only escalate the situation and how does that benefit anyone?
I have a child, Peanut, that used to be horribly angry all the time. I am happy to say that with a lot of work and love he has gotten those issues under control. BUT in the mean time his his father, three sibilings and I also had to work not to exacerbate the situation. The person that found this the most difficult was his identical twin. He was the same age and stuck on "its not fair". Life isn't fair, either you want peace or you want to fight.
The work with Peanut was being aware of the triggers between something that is annoying, frustrating, or irritating what we referred to as code red. And his choices. When you are angry you have given control to someone else. Do you want someone else dictating your actions?
What we discovered was honest communication, love and respect was the key. For example Peanut was having a bad day not paying attention to his tone of voice or demeanor and snapped at someone, if that person snapped back this became an all out brawl. However if the other person said "Peanut, are you angry or upset about something?" The bomb was diffused. If he was irriated with something that happened he could discuss it, if he was just in a black mood that was his key to do something to change it.
Peanut wasn't the only one to benefit from this work. Now when one person is in a bad mood it doesn't have to make everyone in the house miserable and our house is a much more peaceful place. But we all had to get beyond the "you're not going to treat me that way" mentality.
Your sister is in a high stress job, and comes home to another high stress situation. I was hoping to inspire some compassion and understanding for her, not excuse her behavior.
__________________
I've been married for 24 years and have four wonderful children.
|