Sannah, just wanted to say thanks for the comments on "making a lot of noise" when requesting boundaries, and scaring the people with the noise.........That's an insight that will help me. Thank you.

Distressed, are there mentors in your culture, whom you admire for their breadth of understanding, to whom you could go for help? I ask because if you don't have a counselor and can't afford one, I imagine it is extremely hard to withstand the pull of the emotional need to belong...and if the only people to "belong" with are these abusers, then.......Also, if you're in a town with a university, or even a college, what about hooking up with the multicultural studies school, and, even more importantly, what about getting a counselor through the college? I saw someone post that, and I did that, too, and then got a referral later...