((((((((( Cherrios ))))))))))
Well, you are an adult and you have a right to your choices even if they are bad choices providing you have the mental capacity to make those choices.
I have to say that it doesn't sound good that you want to end your life when you get to the age of 35 and I do wonder if you exercise to the point of extreme pain as some sort of punishment on yourself?
Would be good to discuss these issues with your therapist.
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Pegasus
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“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree, it will live it's whole life believing that it is stupid.” - Albert Einstein