I told them I was really nervous because of my history. They offered to give me ativan in the IV when I couldn't stop shaking and crying. It helped, a little, but then when they were ready to the exam I couldn't keep my **** together. So they said they would give me something else, I don't even know what it was. Maybe versed or something, I don't know.

But really, all that did was make me really confused about what was going on and whether it was a flashback or real or whether it was now or then. Just really, really confusing and distressing.

I think if I had it to do over again I would not be sedated and just get through it. I was shaking and crying but I knew wtf was going on. After the meds hit, I was out of it and had no sense of control and then they had to hold my legs and that was way too triggery and just made the whole thing a million times worse.