Quote:
Originally Posted by Sannah
I would imagine that with a group culture both of these would happen ^ because you all are so interconnected.
Can you try to stand up for yourself without trying to convince them, however? It is possible to stand up for yourself quietly by ignoring people and leaving their presence for the moment. Basically it is not rewarding their behavior with your presence. You actually don't even have to say anything.
I was playing with a 3 year old once and we didn't speak the same language. He was on my lap and then he started misbehaving. We were playing with blocks. I quietly put him down and started to put the blocks away. He tried to stop me and was making a fuss. After about ten seconds I stopped putting the blocks away and picked him back up and put him on my lap. He immediately started acting correctly. Of course my basic message to him was that I was not going to reward his misbehavior and he got the message very well (and I didn't say a word to him). Can you see how this could work with your family?
It seems like the way that you are doing it now is that you are trying to use your power to force your family into different behavior. This won't work.
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Thanks Sannah, I think I sort of get what you're trying to say. You mean that when someone disrespects me, get up and leave the room? Did I get the message right?
SOrry but I am a bit confused with the child example (although thanks for providing it as examples help me learn the best
)
I've thought of getting up and leaving the situation but there are two issues with that:
1. I feel that the rude person is happy he got me coz he can see it.
2. Sometimes I'm in a group within my family and my sister is rude to me, no one says anything but If I leave the group when she's rude, I feel that its unfair that because of one person who is behaving "badly", I have to get up and leave where its really my sister that should be corrected or asked to leave.
Additionally, this sort of has started happening already. My sisters husband is way ruder than her, and my mom's usually like "fine then don't go out with them." The problem is, they are the ones with the car and if we have people over that are family friends, they end up taking them around, so I have to miss out on hanging out with family friends as well just because of my bro in law and i feel thats so unfair! They are MY family friends in the first place, he knows them through US and because of HIS misbehavior, I have to exit!
3. I have done this once before where she really irritated me in a family group setting, I got up and left, and every single person (there were 3) in the group came one by one to tell me "come out now! stop sitting in the clouds, just come out, its not that big of a deal she didn't really say anything, stop it, you're just looking for attention.".
Do you think I'm using this approach the wrong way(#3 situation)?
Or are my fears (#1 situation) overboard?
Are there any other options to deal with this (#2 situation)?
ANy other thoughts you have for me?
I really appreciate you helping me figure this out as I find it really helpful to know how to implement an idea/thought/strategy rather than stating it (just what works for me best as I have to recondition my responses..)