Quote:
Originally Posted by bpd2
Sannah, just wanted to say thanks for the comments on "making a lot of noise" when requesting boundaries, and scaring the people with the noise.........That's an insight that will help me. Thank you.
Distressed, are there mentors in your culture, whom you admire for their breadth of understanding, to whom you could go for help? I ask because if you don't have a counselor and can't afford one, I imagine it is extremely hard to withstand the pull of the emotional need to belong...and if the only people to "belong" with are these abusers, then.......Also, if you're in a town with a university, or even a college, what about hooking up with the multicultural studies school, and, even more importantly, what about getting a counselor through the college? I saw someone post that, and I did that, too, and then got a referral later...
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Thanks bpd2! I don't have mentors that I can look upto. I sort of isolated myself for a long time because I wasn't allowed to have friends or people I could get close to during my teenage years when I needed it the most. With all the abuse around me, I just learnt to live alone in my room all by myself. That was my coping mechanism.
As of right now, I feel awfully vulnerable and no where to go whenever I'm faced with an issue or feel sad. If I even tell my mother, she startes getting all worked up and worrying and she sees depression as a "really bad disease" because that's how its seen in india amongst the majority, plus she over-worries as well, didn't know this until i found out most of my worries came from her thinking out loud to me
Trust me, I've tried to find a therapist here but its just not going to work out. I've tried a couple and also done some research online.. nothing. Also, India is quiet different than US in that aspect, the resources one has in US are just so much more than here. There's no college/universities offering this, also I'm no longer in school, all done and graduated.
Its really odd, I'm the kind who likes to respect and blend into others cultures, but I also like my space and freedom and hate being told what to do (which is very common in india, anyone and everyone will give you advice 24/7 without even asking, or elders will order you even if they're not part of your family).
All my life, I tried to convert from indian culture to American when I lived in US and now I'm re-learning the indian culture by actually living here... its weird.
But i also have a lot of baggage from the past and psychological and sexual abuse that i have to deal with at the same time.