Hi All,

I tend to feel similarly about my therapist. It's not exactly that I want him to be my dad, but I do want more than I know he can give. He's mentioned the idea of self-parenting a couple of times. It almost seems like a dirty word, self-parenting. Who wants to be their own parent? I want someone else to take over the parenting, so I can feel those things I didn't get to feel before; I don't want to be the one to provide them ~~ it seems almost lame by comparison. Unfortunately, I do recognize that it's up to me. Either I learn to self-parent, or I never feel that, cause there's no one hanging around looking to foster and provide all that stuff to an adult.

I'm addressing some of it at my next session. I almost brought it up 2 sessions ago, but when I realized where the question was going, and that I was about to ask for something I knew he would have to refuse, I just shut up. He gave me options about how I might try to ask the question, since it was kind of obvious where I was leading, but I refused to discuss it any further. Didn't bring it up last session either, but it was almost a worthless session because I spent so much time avoiding that one issue that we didn't really get into anything else either. So I'll bring it up this week. I'm sure he'll do his best not to hurt me when he says no. Growing hurts a lot. How come no one says that on the way into this?

"Growing pain not dieing pain" to quote a friend.

Take Care, Quay