Dear Lexicon, Very YES on the abuse thing. Do you have a rape crisis line in you r town? A House for battered women? If so, you could give them a call and get a pamphlet on "What is abuse?" and maybe even ask about councelling. They often have free groups and counselors available. My father was always putting my mother down. their marriage lasted 40 years. When he died, my mother couldn't sleep because she felt guilty she didn't miss him. After he died, I was able to feel safe enough to start having fill in the blank memories about his abuse to me. I wrote Mom a ten page letter, expecting her to freak out. Instead, she slept soundly, no longer feeling guilty about not missing the booger. (And, it turned out, she was able to help some of her friends who were in the same boat!) Please, you are worthy of unconditional love and caring. If he can't work with you on this one and clean up his act, take care of yourself and dump him: One BIG ooowwwwyyy now instead of a lot more pain in the future sounds good to me. You deserve love and support. Period, end.