As I read your story, my eyes filled with tears, because in many ways I know how you feel....lonely....connecting with your child etc. It is so hard I know, finding a way to have what society has made a discrition of "Family" days etc. Truth is, every family is different in ALL ways, yours mine and others here. I think in many ways we here, ppl on this board are family. We have several places to post our feelings and I promise you, every time some one will reach out, some times many.
As for your little girl, Please take in every moment with love and cherish it. That is the best you can give to her trust me I know. I was a single parent for so long, I longed for a peacful moment, quiet, some one to take them for a day etc. Long story short I lost custody of my children, and now I would give my life to have those moments, all of them the good and the bad.....back with me. My heart bleeds every day for my precious children who I talk and write as often as I can. We are seporated by 700 miles so I can't see them as much as I'de like. Just give to her ....your heart, your love with little kisses and hugs. Sit and play with her when you feel you can and hold those moments dear to your heart.....she will remember...even if she is only 4. Mine are older now but they always tell me, each one of every toy I gave, many moments I never imagined they would remember but they do.....and I am so grateful now that I took the time to do the little things, that's what is important for a child.
I hope you understaned what I am trying to type, it is so hard to express with words but I do try. God bless you help you feel the love of your daughter and hold that as your "family days"....Days only you and her share.
Peace and love sent your way
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My Midnight Angel wanting to be free and fly chained in dark places of my soul
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