Hi Steve,
I once dated a man that was, I believe, in a place similar to where you are. Here is my side of the experience (being the gf) that I would like to share.

The most meaningful night of our relationship was not any of the romantic dates or fancy dinners. The most meaningful night for me was the night he collapsed into my arms (and quickly my lap as he was significantly bigger than my scrawny little self) in the sanctuary at our college. He never spoke a word, just sobbed uncontrolably for over an hour. I was soaked! The next day he was so embarased I had to break into his room to get him to speak to me. I quietly sat beside him and explained that the previous night was the first time I really felt we were in a relationship. Before that night it was always about me and there needs to be two people in a relationship. For me it was a turning point, a moment I had longed for.

I still love him deeply. He has chosen to marry someone that he can be the knight in shining armor to and never have to take that armor off. She gives nothing back to the marrage, nothing back to him. It breaks my heart.

I pray that you are strong enough to lift that heavy armor off and let your GF see the prince inside.