Steve....Lets break this into little bits ok?
You are aware that you are so overwhelmed that you could REALLY use some support right?
Does anyone ...including your family or current gf know you really need some support?Is there anyone you feel that you can turn to?
In order to be successfully strong for anyone other than yourself...you must first consider your needs .I mean to say ...like...if a leaking boat goes to sea to repair a leaking boat...they both sink.One must first repair their leaking boat...and bring extra float devices right?
You say you have trust issues.Do you know where they arise from? Are you aware where these issues first originated...and what breaches of trust fed the issues ...making them stronger?Perhaps there is a reason you do not trust.So take a step back and consider what constitutes an "earned trust".You do not "owe" trust to anyone.Think over time ....what do i feel is reason enough to trust someone? This reason,or list of reasons can be edited as you grow and change.Making allowance for which errors on others part are acceptable...and which are not.
I am so horribly sorry you were abused by your mom.I think it is sooo unacceptable that anyone is abused by anyone.Yet it definately does occur.(This includes emotional abuse). Somehow I feel worse when it happens to a guy because he has to be soooo "everything" in so many ways...plus I have three sons and saw my uncle be abused. (That doesn't mean I don't have EXTREME abhorrance for men abusing women.)
As 'a child of divorce' ...also as a man mistreated by his mother,and mistreated by his married counterpart....I would be astonished to hear that you DIDN'T have severe trust issues.
Please explain why it is you still allow your mother access to your life whatsoever...if as an adult,living on your own...she continues to berate you? Or continues to not show you the courtesy you show her.
As far as your daughter...it is going to take time ... and be a process of learning... to change you fully...so be patient and loving toward yourself.
I find it to be a tender and loving thing to hear that you speak lovingly to yourself.You should.Self talk happens with everyone...just usually in a quiet manner.My self talk fully sucks!LOL I totally commend your self talk!
You say you have a daughter...and it appears you are doing the raising of her on your own? WOW! damn! KUDOS........That is your main focus.Forget everyone else...support her and you...and do the best you can each day.Every single human fails ...yes? You will too...keep trying and don't give up.Leave yesterdays mistakes in the past where they belong.
As far as being what your current gf needs....look over your post...it is what you have been doing in all the other relationships you mentioned.Stop thinking you need to fit everyones expectations.Just be the best man possible in the moment.I am thrilled you got all of that off your chest since holding things inside only brings pain.You are very ,very brave!! Keep posting! ~WO.olfsong