I have a hard time with believing my T when she says, like she did this week, that when I'm done (with therapy) I'll be ready and I won't need her any more. Also, when she says "you're not there yet, but you're getting there", that hits my triggers and makes me think she's expecting me to be ready, like, next week.

I'm trying to just be okay RIGHT NOW. To know, as I do, that I have T now. That I need her now and that's okay and I have her now and that's okay. It is so hard for me to not hurt for the future-zooey who doesn't have T anymore. But...when I get there, when that future-zooey is ME, maybe it won't hurt as much as I think it will? Maybe I will really be ready and it will be okay?

Argh. Circles of thought, over and over. It is something I have thought about so much. It just goes around and around. I don't know how to stop it or solve it, so I just try to breathe and look around me and be here now.